Monthly Archives: December 2009

Impressions of an atheist.

Here is a topic that has haunted me through times; religion and god. I’m an atheist, a nonbeliever. But honestly I’m a nonbeliever of a different kind, “I do pray”, sometimes for myself, and sometimes for my loved ones. I just can’t let go what my parents taught me, and also I’ve been told from my very childhood that whatever you do is being noted by a man who lives in the clouds.

The whole of the mankind has been a believer, and I’d like to think that there must be something, and I don’t know it is god for sure, that is omnipresent. I can’t just ignore the whole of mankind, which also includes my parents, can I? It would have been good if god were there. I’m not sure of the existence of god; he may or may not exist. Well, I’m neutral, and if you observe closely, every possible ideologies have two sides, be it science, religion, politics, or the very silly things that we go through in everyday life has an alternate opinion.

I don’t go to places of worship, not because I’m against it, but because I’m just lazy and a bit shy to remove my shirt and expose my chubby pieces of flesh here and there on my body (that’s how it is in temples of Kerala). Maybe if I were fit, and had a hunky body, then yes, I might consider going to the temple, not for praying, but just for the sake of it. I had been to a church once and I really felt good I must say, again an omen of sorts supporting the existence.

My mother is a believer and she goes to temple regularly.  I once asked her, have you seen god, she says, “no, I haven’t, but when I pray, I get piece of mind. Maybe it’s because we humans are weak, but I as a person just cannot ignore the holy presence.” It’s been the single huge thing in her life that has kept her going through hard times, I guess.

A lot of people like to think that being an atheist is unholy. But what if I say, it doesn’t matter. Now, if god were there, he would have been big, bigger than anybody or anything in this world. We all humans and every living being would have been his creation, and would have been teeny in front of him.

And just like a mother forgives everything bad her child does, and loves them by their heart, god also would have forgiven us. I mean, we don’t have any proof of his existence, so there’s no reason to believe in him. He does not show his presence where he’s needed the most. And that’s a genuine reason, I guess. So the question of forgiveness doesn’t arise, and it veritably makes him weak.

I once asked my uncle, who is an astrologer, “is being an atheist a bad thing?” He replied, “It doesn’t matter if you’re an atheist or a believer. The thing that matters the most is learning to be human. Hurting any living being physically or mentally is the greatest sin you can do. God doesn’t need you to believe in him, because he is so big that your belief or the whole of mankind’s belief in him is nothing. No matter whatever we do, we ultimately have to go back to him after death, whether you are a believer or a nonbeliever”.

It was one of the satisfactory answers that someone has ever given me on this topic.  You might be thinking then what about the people who are sinners? I’d like to believe they too have the same fate and so, all our fates are same. Now what about the punishment and what about the heaven and hell theory then?

Well, my take on this; heaven and hell all exists in this living world itself. It’s all in our hands, in our mind rather. You can make your life in this planet a living hell or heaven just by your deeds. So the sinners are punished in this very living world, not by god, but by their own deeds. That’s what I would like to believe because for me it makes sense.

My father used to comment on the idea of ‘death’ a lot. He used to say, “death is the ultimate reality, that’s the only thing that you are sure of. One can definitely say to oneself that one day I’m going to die, it maybe today or tomorrow or any other day”. So, what I’ve to say is, anyway you’re born in this world, and there is no easy way out of here as of now. So make the world around you a better place to live, not because by doing that people will remember you, but because your time on the earth will be smooth.

So live your life to the fullest, and make the space around you a better place to live by. That’s what life is all about, living the way you want, and always remember, you are a human first, so behave like one, and you’ll just be fine.


Back to gaming with VAIO CW115!!!

It’s been some time since I laid my hands on a decent gaming rig. Almost three years have passed by without any serious gaming in my life. Life’s been boring, let me add, boring to the core! I do remember precisely the last game that I played, Tomb Raider: Legends.

It played well on my machine. Considering the newer demanding games were on the bloc and my old NVidia GeForce 5200 wasn’t potent enough to tackle the then gaming requirements, I felt really good that I was able to play it, and play it in style. It was my first Lara Croft game.

I was just crazy about games when I got my first PC back in 2004. I was in doing my degree. I was always a movie-buff, but when I got introduced to this new form of entertainment, I was awestruck, always glued to my PC doing nothing but playing whatever games that came my way. It was coolest of my days, although I never attended a lot of exams of mine, just for the sake of gaming!

It’s been almost 5 years. Work’s is boring as always, and I don’t do well in that too. I desperately needed a gaming rig, but only this time I was opting for a laptop for a change. I started the search. There were too many models in the market, Dell, Acer, MSI, HP, and many other new companies making their way to the marketplace; all had their gaming-specific laptops on the table, and last but not the least there was always Alienware, a gamer’s ultimate fantasy, pure beast, but what the heck, I’m not paid good enough to get that piece of gadgetry.

Sony Vaio - CW115

So first of all, I had to fix my budget. After doing the usual googling, I settled my budget at a decent 45K, anything under 45K will just suite fine for me, as I could only afford to buy the entry-level laptops. Second task was the model, which model to choose from. I thought I don’t really need a desktop-replacement model with large screens; I’d rather go for a 14” neat screen, which kind of gave essentially a compact look and also gave some extra battery backup.

My two options were ‘Dell Studio 14’, and ‘Acer Gemstone 6920’. Both had decent looks and they both came pretty close to my budget too. I didn’t know which to choose from. I was pulled upon by the look of the Dell Studio series, but my gadget-freak friend Arif suggested the Gemstone. I would have to decide it on the store itself judging by the looks, ergonomics etcetera.

Having sketched the whole game plan in my mind, I went to the store, IT Net, Cochin. They showed me some models that suited my requirements. After going through a couple of models from both Dell and Acer, I fixed my deal on Acer Gemstone 6920. I looked a bit better than Dell, obviously. While I was thinking hard in my mind about the cost, something beautiful caught my eye; a glossy red lid just in front of me, I thought, how could I miss this sight before, it looked a bit girlish, but it was a pure beauty, it was a Sony Vaio.

There was something in the model that made me re-think for my options. Now, a Sony will cost me anywhere around 55K or more, and also I wasn’t sure if the model had a dedicated GPU. Then the salesman said, “you can try Vaio too sir; 320/3GB with NVidia GeForce G210 256mb. And the price came to about 46K”. I was literally shocked to know that Sony laps did have a dedicated GPU and it came around 45K too, and it looked just tempting, sort of like an Indian bride wearing a red joda. I knew i had to go for it, and guess what, I did!

The looks were just classy, covered in glossy red; it had an isolated keypad, which gave it a distinct look. Spec-wise, it had an average system spec; usual 14 inch screen, Intel Core 2 duo T660 cores running at 2.20Ghz, 3Gb of RAM, 320Gb HDD space, and an entry level NVidia GeForce G210, 256Mb Graphics Card, which I hope will at least do a mediocre job when it comes to gaming. VIAO has put in a lot of features; a Vaio media centre, which takes care of everything from playing music to editing videos, was quite a joy to work on.

My Desktop after a fresh Windows 7 Installation.

It came up with some bundled music albums too, again a nice addition. Sony has added everything to the laptop including cd writing software. It cost me around Rs45, 800 for the whole thing. I’m satisfied. The performance as I expected is average. I tried to run 720p HD video with all the codecs installed. It played fine, but when i tried to drag the seek bar, the video was getting stuck a bit.

Then I tried some games. I bought a copy of Left 4 Dead. The installation took around 10min. Then I ran the game with all settings high in the highest resolution. The game ran like a wind. I guess the game is not so demanding on graphics. But I guess games like Crysis will bring the system to its knees. It was perfect for casual gaming.

L4D on my machine.

It gave me a power backup of just about 2 hours on power saver mode. Overall, I feel good that I bought a Sony VIAO. Good features, average graphics, good build, glossy smart looks, and last but not the least, excellent keys to work on.